now tell me how did you slip by

I think that within everyone there is always something we can't bring ourselves to do even though we know we should. For example, I have a friend who keeps going back to a guy who doesn't treat her well and doesn't respect her at all. I've told her not once, but multiple times that she needs to go balls to the wall and let him go but she just can't seem to do it. If you knew how many times I've had to sit with her while she cried I think you'd understand. The reason I bring this up is because  there is something I have to do. I don't want to do it, I need to do it. I have to or I will continue to beat myself up until I am nothing but blood and bones. I have to take a step back and examine everything. I have to look at my relationships with people and evaluate who it is that makes me happy and who is sucking me dry. If you know that you are my family you shouldn't be worried. If you know I'd rather sit in a pit of spiders than speak to you ever again you're probably not so safe. I guess what I mean is that I can't live with what I hope is there because it means I'm living on nothing. I have to take a big spoonful of reality and swallow it with my pride and say, "look, it's true, we've been friends for years but I'm only ever doing things for you. The give and take is non-existent and as far as you are concerned I have nothing left to give." That's the nice way of putting it , by the way. The not so nice way is, well, not so nice. hehe. My one attempt at humor in this bitter piece really isn't that funny. I think we should all stop taking our friends for granted because they are not going to be around for ever, at least, not all of them. Some will be around, that's only natural, but that's because they really are your friends. The truth is, most of us could live without a majority of the people with whom we spend our free time. I've gone off topic again... apologies. I don't know where I'm going anymore actually, I started writing out of anger and trailed into confusion before ending up entirely lost in what appears to be a throbbing headache of stress, dehydration, and a nagging sensation of what the hell did I do to fuck up this time. I suppose the point is I suck at life. I have friends I hate and friends who hate me. My work never seems good enough to me and I can't stand the thought of telling someone that I just can't do it anymore. I know I'll make it out; I know I'll get through it ok, It's just nice to have some guidance sometimes... especially when your guidance might save our friendship.