Earth Hour Musings

The desire to run is back again. This nagging feeling deep inside telling me to jump in my truck and drive until things are better. I want to go, to be gone, to be able to act without thinking. I'm restless. I can't focus, can't concentrate. I just want to be able to do what is asked without having to first beat myself into submission. I have no allies, no friends or confidantes. I have only myself to talk to and yes, i do it often. I crave structure and yet long to break every mold. I am indeed that which must overcome itself. The overman is me. The only battles i've lost have been with myself and yet my desire to avenge those losses still lingers. I have no place, no distinct home. I long to be both everywhere and nowhere at the same time, running toward my greatest desires and from my greatest fears. Though i see clearly what i want the future to hold i know absolutely what it does not. I am neither a pawn to be played nor the master strategist, I am simply the player making the best moves I can. This moment is my past, present and future all rolled into one. I'm taking what is done and making it what could be. Today though, i just want one simple thing: A smile. It can say so much without saying anything at all and if it's from someone in particular it can speak volumes.