FML

I cannot even begin to explain how bipolar I seem to have become over the last couple years. It seems as though all it takes anymore is one little action to either make or break my day or week. I always overreact and prematurely at that. I doubt myself, I doubt others, and I forget how lucky I am to be me. Some days you just want, need to be happy and it never happens. Those days are the worst. The days when everything is already going to shit are the ones when little things make us happy. The good days are when the little things hurt the most. Don't believe me?

Call me, don't call me

I have decided I am physically incapable of having a conversation on the phone. No matter who it is I'm talking to and no matter the duration, the conversation is always punctuated with long awkward pauses. I love words. Some even say I have a gift with words, but apparently this only applies when I am either writing or speaking to someone in person. What is this phone anxiety I have that prevents me from functioning properly? I have no fucking clue. If you've ever talked to me on the phone you know this is the truth and if you have yet to engage in a telephonic conversation with me I suggest you try it... just so you know what I'm referring to. ;) Seriously though, I'm sure I'm not the only person with telephone anxiety. I mean, really... what is there to worry me? They can hear me but they can't see what I'm doing. It doesn't matter if I look clean or have spinach in my teeth as long as I speak with some semblance of sanity it's all good. Wrong. I dial a number, the recipient answers, we say hello, how are you, and then silence. Between topics I stop. I am completely silent. Then something interesting comes up. then silence. All the while I have no idea what is going through the other person's head. Are they wondering why I can't talk? Am I distracted by something? Do they think I'm a creeper? Why aren't they breaking the silence? Should I say goodbye and end the suffering for both of us?

If anyone knows how to improve my telephone skills the help would be greatly appreciated.

<3

Fluorescent converse... total awesomeness!