Week 3 Introspection: 10 cars

I am sitting in "Lurch" listening to KP talk. She's telling a story. We're driving down a highway in South Carolina talking and laughing though everything is inaudible. We stop in front of a California style house. It's huge. 2 stories with fancy steps. I walk towards the front door and stop. I'm inside on the second floor looking out the window. I see lurch but KP is no longer in the front seat, Nay is. She's waving to me from the driver's side window. She smiles and beckons me to her telling me to hurry so we won't be late. I run to her. I'm sitting in the front seat while Nay drives, wind whipping through her hair. She laughs heartily though I still cannot hear it. I hear only the wind. I'm smiling; grinning from ear to ear. I love driving, especially driving for no reason but to go. I"m happy she's with me. I'm happy she's happy. We are driving along the California coast now and the sun is setting. I'm driving and Nay is beside me. I sing along with music I can't hear and Nay laughs at how terrible I am. It's raining now. I'm sad and Nay is quiet. We stop. We sit in the car in the middle of the storm not speaking or laughing or smiling.

I'm alone now, sitting in the driver's seat gripping the wheel. Tears stream down my face. Lurch is back in the garage and I'm 3, sitting in the backseat. I look around and outside the car are stacks of files and our old minivan. I just want to grow up. It's raining outside so I walk away and lay down. The rain falls on my body. I am 22. I'm alone.

Week 2 Introspection II: Roots

I remember feeling a lot less self conscious as a child. Like, I didn't care what people thought about what I was doing or why. Now, I just feel kinda stupid. I mean, I understand it, the appeal for a child, but it's still slightly awkward. I think I was more proud of myself as a child, more proud of the way my mind worked. I'd think of these awesome scenarios for my kooshlings and be all " I bet no one else has these kind of adventures." but now It's like... ooookaaaayyy... I think that stems from innocence. As children we're encouraged to be creative without restraint but as we get older society starts trying to make us conform and we lose that innocence and that freedom. We know we're going to be judged and we expect it. As kids we expect praise and encouragement. As adults we expect criticism and critique.

This week's Best of Me:

The Torrid Affairs I Have in My Head. I am going to write a book with this title. I mean come on... it's relevant. I was thinking about the idea of fantasy/makebelieve/roleplay and how the concept and definition changes from our youth into adulthood and that phrase just popped into my head. I mean, think about it. As children fantasy is innocent. Roleplay is playing house with your best friends and putting your pretend children in timeout for eating a mudpie before their dinner. As we get older fantasy becomes a genre and a type of game that nerds play and as we get older still the word takes on a sexual nature. We make believe all the time, imagining where our lives could and should go and I dunno, I just thought it'd be interesting to write down all of the fantasies and make believes I had in my head from a child through today. it's just something that intrigues me I guess.

Week 2 Introspection II: Orange

Honestly, I hadn't eaten lunch so when I found out I was gonna get to eat an orange I was quite pleased. I thought the exercise as a whole was interesting and I was particularly amused by the amount of time that had passed without my realizing it. I let my mind wander a lot so I didn't really learn anything extra special or new. I do think the exercise is relevant to understanding the creative process though because it allows you to break down your observations piece by piece until you are focusing on one sensation at a time. You feel it. You smell it. You hear it. You taste it. I think you have to be able to focus yourself like that on a regular basis if you expect to be successful as a creator.

Ideation

This is where my personal stuff ends and the Class Required Stuff begins. I don't care if you look at the other stuff, I'm just clarifying and separating.

Gone Baby Gone

If you want me gone, I'm gone.

I don't have to love you.

I don't have to care about you.

I choose to.

Because I'm a good person.

Because...

I've got your back.

I've got your back.

I've got your back.

Because I'm a good man in a storm.

A storm I weather Alone.

Alone.

Too late, I'm gone now.

If you want me gone, I'm gone.

Sometimes I'd like to give up. But I don't. I guess that's something