This week's best of me:

There once was a man named enron who grew up amongst the selfish aritocrats in the deep south of the bible belt part of America Olivo.

He had gastrointestinal issues caused by over exposure to oil

This made people dislike not only his personality but also the scent of his presence made them vomit

and I don't mean normal vomit

I mean like that high velocity projectile grey vomit that brittana shot out of there mouths while singing tik and also tok by ke dollar sign ha

but that's a different story

enron was also insanely obese

he took up too much space and too much attention

as a matter of fact... he is so fat that he sat on his neighbor benevolence and completely destroyed her helping hands

one of the reasons he's so fat is because he eats way too much salt. like veruca salt from the willy wonka factory of chocolate

she was the greedy bitchy one that turned into a purple tomato right??