This week's Best of Me:

The Torrid Affairs I Have in My Head. I am going to write a book with this title. I mean come on... it's relevant. I was thinking about the idea of fantasy/makebelieve/roleplay and how the concept and definition changes from our youth into adulthood and that phrase just popped into my head. I mean, think about it. As children fantasy is innocent. Roleplay is playing house with your best friends and putting your pretend children in timeout for eating a mudpie before their dinner. As we get older fantasy becomes a genre and a type of game that nerds play and as we get older still the word takes on a sexual nature. We make believe all the time, imagining where our lives could and should go and I dunno, I just thought it'd be interesting to write down all of the fantasies and make believes I had in my head from a child through today. it's just something that intrigues me I guess.

Week 2 Introspection II: Orange

Honestly, I hadn't eaten lunch so when I found out I was gonna get to eat an orange I was quite pleased. I thought the exercise as a whole was interesting and I was particularly amused by the amount of time that had passed without my realizing it. I let my mind wander a lot so I didn't really learn anything extra special or new. I do think the exercise is relevant to understanding the creative process though because it allows you to break down your observations piece by piece until you are focusing on one sensation at a time. You feel it. You smell it. You hear it. You taste it. I think you have to be able to focus yourself like that on a regular basis if you expect to be successful as a creator.

Ideation

This is where my personal stuff ends and the Class Required Stuff begins. I don't care if you look at the other stuff, I'm just clarifying and separating.

Gone Baby Gone

If you want me gone, I'm gone.

I don't have to love you.

I don't have to care about you.

I choose to.

Because I'm a good person.

Because...

I've got your back.

I've got your back.

I've got your back.

Because I'm a good man in a storm.

A storm I weather Alone.

Alone.

Too late, I'm gone now.

If you want me gone, I'm gone.

Sometimes I'd like to give up. But I don't. I guess that's something

relapse

The darkness comes again, only this time there's no end in sight.

Earth Hour Musings

The desire to run is back again. This nagging feeling deep inside telling me to jump in my truck and drive until things are better. I want to go, to be gone, to be able to act without thinking. I'm restless. I can't focus, can't concentrate. I just want to be able to do what is asked without having to first beat myself into submission. I have no allies, no friends or confidantes. I have only myself to talk to and yes, i do it often. I crave structure and yet long to break every mold. I am indeed that which must overcome itself. The overman is me. The only battles i've lost have been with myself and yet my desire to avenge those losses still lingers. I have no place, no distinct home. I long to be both everywhere and nowhere at the same time, running toward my greatest desires and from my greatest fears. Though i see clearly what i want the future to hold i know absolutely what it does not. I am neither a pawn to be played nor the master strategist, I am simply the player making the best moves I can. This moment is my past, present and future all rolled into one. I'm taking what is done and making it what could be. Today though, i just want one simple thing: A smile. It can say so much without saying anything at all and if it's from someone in particular it can speak volumes.